Tough Enough To Be Kind
I have never been on the outskirts of the church— but I found myself there today.
I’ve never had a major doctrinal wrestle or issue with any policy or practice of the church.
And then it happened— one statement—and the tables turned. Suddenly, I was an outsider.
(let me just preface this post by saying it’s scary to share opinions on social media anymore. There’s so much contention, division, and opportunity for offense. My intention is not to add to the clamor— but to navigate it. I plead with you— if my post or opinions offend you— please give me grace, forgiveness, and tolerance. I am only sharing my super personal thoughts in case anyone else felt the same way.)
It happened when Elder Renlund posted to announce the phased reopening of select temples. In his post he said, “Wearing a face covering is a sign of Christlike love for our brothers and sisters.”
For many reasons, I do not agree with this statement. I was shocked, confused, and angry when I read those words.
I wondered if there was a place for me in the church anymore— wondered if my beliefs were too different— or if the church was led by real apostles, or if they’d all been deceived.
With shattered trust, I went to my studio to work. While I worked I thought and wrestled and listened to U2 like I often do when I’m feeling a lot of emotions.
A line from the song “There is a light” stood out to me— the lyrics asked, “Are you tough enough to be kind?”
My mind turned to the members on social media who have already begun to share Elder Renlunds statement like a sword— using it to judge and persecute those in the church with different beliefs and opinions. I reflected on the hundreds of comments I’d read on the original post.
So often it seems to me that the people who crusade the loudest for others to be Christlike are the ones sitting smugly behind masks— refusing to show Christlike love or tolerance towards anyone with a different view.
And then I wondered, am I the same?
Do I judge them?
Or am I tough enough to make my own choices for myself and my family and allow others the sacred space to do what they believe is right, free from my judgment?
While I wrestled with this, I had four distinct thoughts—
Do we really believe in grace? Do we believe that by our own best efforts— striving to do what we feel is right— that God will bless us and make up the difference? Or do we believe that God‘s grace only works with 100% compliance? Is there room for both sides to exist? And when it really comes down to it— is our trust in God, or in the arm of flesh?
If my best efforts to explain myself and stand up for what I believe is right is mocked or I am labeled as “not Christlike,” can I simply choose to be kind in return? And not just refrain from saying unkind things, but to completely refrain from thinking them as well?
Do I realize that living in this time (with all its turmoil, contention, and divisive social media) presents quite possibly the greatest opportunity to develop more compassion and kindness than at any other time in the history of the world?
And fourth— (and this was the most comforting one) when I was a student at BYU, we learned how to discern and answer the question— what is doctrine?
We were taught that the parameters for qualifying doctrine are:
Is it found in the standard works?
Is it an official proclamation or declaration with the united voice of the prophet and apostles?
Is it taught repeatedly in general conference or found in the church handbooks?
So, in summary, a single statement from a church leader (even an apostle) does not constitute doctrine. Elder Renlund’s statement was his perspective on the wearing of masks, in an attempt to encourage members to wear them. His statement was an answer to prayers for many— and yet, a stumbling block for many others. I fall into the latter category. And that’s okay.
After pondering this, I had a warm feeling of peace.
“Kind” Necklace, Find it here
There is still a place for me in the church— even when my views don’t align or I sin differently.
God still wants me there.
I’m not Christlike in a mask wearing way— but I am in many other ways— or, at least, I try hard to be.
I don’t have to leave the church because I don’t equate wearing a mask with being Christlike.
But isn’t that the wonder of it all? That Christ taught us to “love our enemies” no really, let that sink in. OUR ENEMIES. People who actively seek our harm. People who, on one hand, threaten health by not wearing masks, and on the other, threaten the fabric of our liberty by wearing them. Both sides have reason to point at the other and cry “Enemy!”
And yet Christ still taught us to do good and LOVE these people who choose not to be Christlike.
Perhaps that’s the greater challenge— that it’s easy to love people when they think and behave as we wish they would— and so difficult to love them when they don’t.
If you felt at all like I did tonight— you’re not alone. God still cares about your concerns and your struggles. My hope is that we do not use Elder Renlund’s statement as a sword to judge and divide our brothers and sisters who have many different concerns and circumstances in their response to COVID. I hope that we are tough enough to be kind, willing to learn how to love like Christ did, & ultimately, trust in god’s grace to work out the things we cannot.