Jesus Stood Weeping

“Jesus stood weeping”

“and followed us seeking the place where we laid him to rest.”

(Art: “Jesus Wept” by Wanderson Neves, WNevesPrints on Etsy)

I was listening to Kenneth Cope’s “Women at the Well” album while cleaning my kitchen this morning. The music on this album beautifully tells the stories of the women in the New Testament and how their faith preceded many of Christ’s miracles. Guys. This album is old. Like 2002 old. I grew up listening to it and despite the distinctive late 90’s vibes, it has been hands down the most influential and faith-promoting CD of my life. It’s brought me closer to the Savior and given me deeper insight into His life.

And never has the line “Jesus stood weeping” jumped out at me before. Not even in my nearly two decades of listening to this CD.

The song is called “If Thou Had Been Here” and follows the story of John 11—Mary and Martha’s grief when Lazarus dies, and the miracle of Lazarus's resurrection. The sisters grieve knowing that if Christ had been there, their brother wouldn’t have died. This is something anyone who is experiencing loss can really relate to. Where was Christ when they needed Him most?

These are both faithful women— disciples of Christ. And yet, they seem to handle the grief very differently. Martha, who went to meet Christ when He arrived in the city, says “Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.” (John 11: 21-22). Christ then tells Martha that her brother will rise again— Martha assumes that He means in the resurrection. But Jesus answers, “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” (John 11: 24-25) Martha, not quite understanding, but comforted, replies with unshaken faith, “Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.”

Christ then goes to the grave where Mary had gone to weep. When Mary saw Him, she “fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.” (John 11: 32). Isn’t that beautiful? Can you imagine falling at the feet of Christ and weeping? When Christ sees her tears, we get the shortest and most beautiful passage of scripture— two words— simply “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35).

Jesus didn’t try to tell Mary that He was the resurrection and the life. He didn't tell her that families are forever or that He was about to raise Lazarus and she didn’t need to cry.

He wept with her.

For Martha, her grieving heart needed to hear of Christ’s power over death. She needed the assurance of her Savior and found comfort in sharing her testimony. But Mary simply needed to cry. She needed to fall down and weep. She needed someone to grieve with her. Her faith was still there, even if it was silent. Her faith was the act of falling at Christ's feet.

Neither of these ways of grieving were wrong. Both sisters still had sufficient faith in Christ to witness the miracle of their brother raised from the dead.

Let me just say this— there are days and seasons of grief. And they change. If Christ had come a week later, it might have been Mary sharing her testimony and Martha in tears falling at His feet. We say “everyone grieves differently” and it’s true, but even within our own grief, we grieve differently day to day. Some days I find solace in reading scripture, and other days I can’t bring myself to even touch my scriptures. Some days it’s a gift to sit in wonder at the magnitude of Christ’s power over death. Other times, I want to hit the next person who says “families are forever.” If eternity starts today (and it does), then part of my forever is missing my baby girl. Why is it fair that your family is together forever in both this life and the next when my “together forever” won't come until the next life? Our life will be different because of our loss. Our family will be different. Our experience will be different. There is a loss— a gaping hole actually. We will never have the opportunity of raising Kalea with her brother. She will never grow up with him. That is a blip in our forever that won’t be fixed for every day of our entire lifetimes. Yes, families are forever, but to gloss over loss with that phrase is thoughtless and frankly, prevents you from really opening your heart and grieving with that person.

I get it. Grieving with others is so uncomfortable.

I like happy endings and don’t want other people to get their sad on me— because its heavy. It’s a burden. I don't feel it like they do. It doesn't affect me the same way. It puts me face to face with my own insignificance because I don’t know what to say or feel. And worse yet, nothing I do will ever really make a difference, could it? Before our loss, I thought that the only people who grieved were the people who don’t know about Christ or the gospel or the plan of salvation. What I'm learning now is that we can know the plan and still really grieve!

There is a very human aspect of grieving. Just as we came to earth to experience the joys of mortality, we also came here to experience the lows. Grief softens and opens our hearts. It is necessary. And everyone will grieve at some point because we all love someone mortal.

So knowing the plan won’t take away the pain of grief or dull the sting of death because you cannot trivialize the effects of love. In a talk called “But If Not” by Lance B. Wickman he explains that “…grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning.”

So how can we help someone who is grieving? There are so many lists online of what to say or what not to say, and I’ve found that those lists aren't very helpful. Because sometimes, like Martha, I DO want to talk about how my daughter is in a better place, and how families are forever, and how Jesus Christ has power over death. And other times like Mary, I just want to fall down and cry. Even in death and grief, Christ left us the perfect example to follow. Like, Christ, whatever we do with love (and tailored to that person) won't be wrong— whether it’s weeping with Mary or sharing testimony with Martha.

The only thing that will be wrong every single time is thinking that you can’t do anything to help. YOU CAN! A text message, a hug, a letter, a gift, a donation, an act of service. This is how we mourn with others and lift their burdens.

Can I just add that you don't even have to know the person to help? I can't tell you how many unknown donors we had for Kalea's funeral expenses or how many letters we got from people we didn't even know. It blew my mind and made me want to be a that level of compassionate.

Today I've felt so grateful as I’ve sat and thought of all the people who have “stood weeping” with us. Thank you so much for being Christ's hands in our life.

(Also, if you’d like to listen to the whole “Women at the Well “album, I’ve uploaded it to youtube you can listen below. Or you can buy it from Deseret Book here. Nope, I’m not an affiliate, just a huge advocate of good music! This is GREAT album for Sunday listening. My favorite songs are “Close enough to Touch”, “Day of Tears.”, Foolish or Wise”, and “He came for Me” .)