
Where are you God?
…The complete wreckage of the last three years of my life flashed in my mind— Payson's 200+ seizures, his Dravet diagnosis, Kalea's unexpected death, the overwhelming grief, our rocky marriage. I coldly replied “Maybe I could use a little less blessings from the Lord right now.”

Excerpt from my journal, Seizure 19
Nineteen. Today's number. Just a few minutes past 7am as I lay in bed, his 19th seizure started. This time, I wasn’t even surprised. I got up, put on my bathrobe, and rolled him on his side while he seized…

In these small, still moments
In these small, still moments, I feel perfect peace. David’s goodbye kiss still on my lips, the gentle click as he closes our bedroom door, the sound of his footsteps fading down the hall…