Big Seizures & Big Miracles
Payson had two seizures today. Big ones. 45 minutes of seizing. His emergency medicine stopped the first one after fifteen minutes but didn’t touch the second…
Written in the stars, storms, or soil?
“Is it written in the stars? Are we paying for some crime? Is this all that we are good for— just a stretch of mortal time? Or some God’s experiment in which we have no say, in which we’re given paradise, but only for a day?
Where are you God?
…The complete wreckage of the last three years of my life flashed in my mind— Payson's 200+ seizures, his Dravet diagnosis, Kalea's unexpected death, the overwhelming grief, our rocky marriage. I coldly replied “Maybe I could use a little less blessings from the Lord right now.”
Hallelujah, nevertheless.
At first, I had so much grace in accepting both Payson's epilepsy and Kalea's death. Now as time moves on-- I've started looking around and wondering why I've been hit SO HARD…
131 Seizures Later
36 weeks pregnant and I’m sitting in a tiny hospital room with my toddler and husband trying to swallow what the neurologist had just told us. He was holding up the results from Payson's genetic panel…
Excerpt from my journal, Seizure 19
Nineteen. Today's number. Just a few minutes past 7am as I lay in bed, his 19th seizure started. This time, I wasn’t even surprised. I got up, put on my bathrobe, and rolled him on his side while he seized…
Expired Blessings & Payson’s Seizure
ONE MONTH AGO TODAY I was riding in the back of an ambulance dressed in my husbands clothes-- a pair of sweatpants at least four sizes too big for me and the first shirt of his that I happened to grab off the shelf. I had no makeup on…