Tremble
Darkness.
A lot of darkness, microwave popcorn & christian music.
- When the darkness was so heavy I couldn’t feed myself or Payson, there was microwavable popcorn.
- When I couldn’t talk to God without tears or couldn’t open my scriptures without anger, there was Christian music.
Despite the grief, the exhaustion, anger, and darkness—I could still listen.
With paper thin faith— hanging between the daily struggle of Payson’s epilepsy and the unfolding relentless grief of Kalea’s death— I wondered if any of it (especially going to church) even mattered.
Darkness.
My favorite miracle involving darkness is in Helaman chapter 6:
“And it came to pass that they were overshadowed with a cloud of darkness, and an awful solemn fear came upon them....
..And [they] could not flee because of the cloud of darkness which did overshadow them; yea, and also they were immovable because of the fear which did come upon them...
And [they] said, what shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?
And [he] said unto them: You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ.
And it came to pass that they all [cried] unto the voice of him who had shaken the earth; yea, they did cry even until the cloud of darkness was dispersed.”
So I can’t listen to Christian music (especially this song) without tears.
Because after a year of darkness, I know with perfect clarity that there is a name that makes the darkness tremble. I know Jesus can and does bring immediate light. I know that it does matter— all of it.
Faith really is as simple as Moses’s brass serpent stretched across a pole. Choosing just to look. Choosing to listen. Choosing to simply show up and sit week after week on Sunday. Choosing to open the scriptures even if all you can handle is one verse. Faith is choosing to say the name of Jesus— even in darkness— no matter how many bags of microwave popcorn you’ve eaten.
Jesus, Jesus, you make the darkness tremble.
(Tremble, Mosiac MSC)
#givethanks